Explainable does not equal commendable

Btw, I didn't say I was grossed out by garden-variety May-Dec relationships, but by the newest wrinkle (so to speak): the grandfather/granddaughter pairing.

That said, I don't agree that just because something is commonplace, explainable and appeals to the participants, that it is fine, OK, or wholesome. Regarding the younger woman's motives for dating older men, there are two salient ones that I can see: a desire for Daddy because something is amiss in her paternal relationship, and above all else, an attraction to money and power. I have rarely seen young women go for poor, unsuccessful older men. While that might be "understandable," I think it's cynical. As for the maturity gap between men and women, it closes by the time most guys reach their mid to late twenties. But if a woman does feel that the guys her own age are immature, why not date a man five years older? There's plenty of room between your peers and your father's friends. The litmus test is, if your 25-year-old daughter were involved with a 45- or 50-old year-old man, would you feel OK with it or distressed?

As for men's motives, once again they're explainable, as in "you're as young as the skin that you touch." But are they commendable, especially when most of those men have discarded wife number-one for the younger version? While I understand their motivation, I find it pathetic and have infinitely more respect for men (like Paul) who can be with a woman of similar age.

May-December: Just a Fact of Life

I’m not so grossed out by those May-December relationships as I used to be. At least not most of them. Living on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, every day I see gray haired stooped-over retiree dads in sweatsuits and running shoes pushing strollers as they escort their young wives to the subway stop. The wives, being a good deal younger and in much better shape, have no trouble keeping up the pace in four-inch heels. These moms kiss dad and baby goodbye and descend into the subway. I don’t know what happens from there. Are the dads then doing the grocery shopping and laundry and spending time at the sandbox? I’m inclined to think yes after a conversation with one such fellow who told me he was a total workaholic during his first marriage, saw his kids awake only on Sundays, ignored his wife, and never lifted a finger around the house. His second marriage is to a partner-track lawyer and triathlete. He’s now the parent who puts the kids on the school bus, books the pediatrician appointments, and places the Fresh Direct orders. He goes on every class field trip and has a hot dinner waiting when his wife arrives home. His kids and grandkids are the same ages and he supervises joint playdates with them all.
Wikipedia defines a May-December romance as one in which the age difference between two adults is wide enough to risk social approval. These relationships inevitably encounter judgments or criticism, but obviously since they are so commonplace, they must be appealing to the participants. Younger women are attracted to older men because the men are more stable, more likely to commit, and enendingly appreciative. Also, women are more emotionally mature than their same-age male counterparts. Not to mention the clincher for most of these younger women—the financial advantage. And as for the older men, they get to feel young and attractive again. As a man once told me, “You’re as young as the skin you touch.”
I do wish there were more Demi Moore-Ashton Kutcher stories to balance the picture, and maybe there will be sometime, but for now, sadly, a woman has to be a drop-dead-gorgeous movie star to attract a younger man while an older fellow only has to be breathing to attract a younger woman.

Gross

Ewww. I just read that in their new movie, Mary-Kate Olsen, 22, had an "enthusiastic make-out scene" with Ben Kingsley, 64.

Apropos of the smooching, Kingsley said, "She was completely in charge." That must have been some acting job on her part.

The age gap between the younger woman/older man just keeps widening. You used to hear people say, "He's old enough to be her father." But that phenomenon has occurred so often lately that we've become inured to it, and it seems normal. Now it's more like, "He's old enough to be her grandfather." Which clearly applies to the 42 years between co-stars Olsen and Kingsley.

And it would never fly to show a 64-year-old grandma making out with a 22-year-old guy.

Intelligence is in the Ear of the Beholder

Jean-Paul Sartre, he's not.
So it appears it's Bye Bye Birdie for him!

The next poor dear he dates is at least lucky he didn't shape his life philosophy from the musical, Chicago: "Murder, Greed, Corruption, Violence, Exploitation, Adultery, Treachery, and All That Jazz."
Or, for that matter, Mary Poppins.

Au Pairs and Baggage Claims

Sue: And let's not forget the anecdote in our book about our friend who walked in on her husband canoodling with the Czech nanny. Which leads to the second moral of the story: The gorgeous au pair doesn't have to be Scandinavian. She could come from Eastern Europe.

Moving on to another topic, I had a recent date with a guy who railed incessantly about how all the women he's met since his divorce had baggage. He insisted that he had none, and asked me if I had any. I replied that I'm the sum total of my experiences, which left him perplexed and speechless, because he thinks and talks only in cliches.

On our third and final date, he who claimed to be free and clear proceeded to re-enact the demise of his marriage, reciting every nasty comment that passed between him and his ex-wife with all the anger he could muster.

Btw, here's how he talks:
"Maybe I was too busy with my job to pay attention to her. Guilty as charged."
"I told her that she could walk out, or she could join me in that tunnel with the green light at the end. If she doesn't want to enter the tunnel, I'm moving on with my life. Because the sun will come up tomorrow."

He actually gets his philosophy of life from "Annie."

Help Wanted: Only the Ugly and Fat Need Apply

There is a huge market for the ugly au pair. Fat is even better. Ask any mom whether she’d rather have a gorgeous, blonde, svelte young thing living in the house or if she’d prefer someone a bit dumpy but pleasant.
Years back, Barbara, my park bench friend, announced that she was going back to school and had hired a Swedish au pair to watch her three girls. We park bench moms were all impressed with her daring and her trust in her relationship.
Several weeks later Barbara brought the au pair, Birgitta, to the park with her kids. I don’t know how she did it, but she found possibly the only short, fat, greasy-haired, acne-faced au pair in all of Scandinavia. The kids loved Birgitta and Barbara, that smart cookie, was thrilled. Now there’s a preemptive move!

Egregious stories abound

Sue: Wow Linda, you never mentioned that one. What a doozy! It's up there with the guy from my community who seemed to have it all: an adorable two-year-old son, a wife who was pregnant with their second child, and . . . a beautiful Danish au pair. Seems he couldn't keep his hands off the lithe young thing during his wife's pregnancy. By the time the baby was born, the au pair-affair was in full flower and the marriage broke up shortly thereafter. The wife, with a 2-year-old and a newborn, was devastated and it took her years to recover. Happily she eventually met a lovely guy and remarried. Her ex married the au pair and had three kids with her. He seems happy too (dammit!), but will at least be saddled with three college tuitions in his golden years.

Moral of the story: If you're thinking of hiring an au pair, make sure she's extremely unattractive.