How’s this for chutzpah?
Our friend and her ex just signed a divorce settlement in court. In an agonizing decision to be first and foremost a good mom, our friend signed in order not to prolong the divorce and subject her children to further acrimony.
She felt the settlement was kind of unfair--no alimony for her although she makes under $30,000 per year and her ex used to make $200,000 in the years before he quit working so he would show no income during the divorce proceedings. (See our book chapter on RAIDS). And, she really regretted being forced to sell the family home and split the proceeds 50/50 since she had used a gift from her parents to make the full down payment.
But, by far the most bitter pill for our friend to swallow was agreeing to give her ex half of the sale proceeds from the apartment she had solely owned outright since way before she had even met him. His lawyer doggedly insisted that the ex had put sweat equity into the apartment(he once replaced the float ball in a toilet)and that there would be no settlement whatsoever unless the ex got his "fair share" of said apartment.
Our friend gritted her teeth, reminded herself that getting the divorce over with was best for the kids,and signed. The ex and his attorney immediately approached her and said she could buy the ex’s apartment share back from him for $150,000.
She recently had an appraisal done on the apartment--it was worth a total of $250,000 before the market crashed, and here was her ex trying to get her to buy her own property back from him at an inflated price. Heck of a guy! His new girlfriend is soooooooo lucky to have latched onto such a winner! Hope she gets him to sign a pre-nup!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Can you keep your inheritance when you get divorced?
In the eyes of the law, there are two kinds of marital property: community property and separate property.
Community property is marital assets that were obtained during the marriage by either partner. All community property is divided equitably in a divorce. Separate property is individual property that you obtained before the marriage, and usually remains yours after a divorce.
In most states, an inheritance, even if you receive it during marriage, falls under the separate property clause. As long as the inheritance has not been commingled with joint marital assets during the marriage, it should remain in your own after a divorce.
However, a few states (known as community property states) consider an inheritance to be part of marital assets if it was received during the marriage. An inheritance ruling is difficult to dispute if you live in a community property state. The following states fall into this category:
* Arizona
* California
* Idaho
* Louisiana
* Nevada
* New Mexico
* Texas
* Washington
* Wisconsin
Community property is marital assets that were obtained during the marriage by either partner. All community property is divided equitably in a divorce. Separate property is individual property that you obtained before the marriage, and usually remains yours after a divorce.
In most states, an inheritance, even if you receive it during marriage, falls under the separate property clause. As long as the inheritance has not been commingled with joint marital assets during the marriage, it should remain in your own after a divorce.
However, a few states (known as community property states) consider an inheritance to be part of marital assets if it was received during the marriage. An inheritance ruling is difficult to dispute if you live in a community property state. The following states fall into this category:
* Arizona
* California
* Idaho
* Louisiana
* Nevada
* New Mexico
* Texas
* Washington
* Wisconsin
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Public Frenemy Number One: Cindy G. of Weston, MA.
Girlfriends,
We are outing Cindy G. of Weston, Massachusetts as a frenemy of the worst kind. Watch your back if you come across this turncoat traitor! We wish we could disclose her full name, but if you meet up with her hopefully you'll know what she's all about, full name or no.
Despite her Frida Kahlo unibrow, since she took off 30 pounds or so, Cindy is quite attractive and dangerously sweet on the surface. Plus she’s a good cook in that old fashioned red sauce baked ziti kind of way. She has two lovely daughters and a long, stable marriage with her 450 pound beached whale of a husband, Big Ric.
All the above constitutes her upside. Here's the underbelly: Cindy was until recently the longtime bff of a friend of ours. Then our friend’s husband began having an affair with a neighbor which led to the end of that marriage (and the neighbor’s). At first, Cindy was super sympathetic with her bff over the affair and the end of the marriage. When Cindy and Big Ric went out to dinner with the bff’s husband and his new girlfriend the blonde neighbor, Cindy reported that the blonde was unattractive with a bad nose job and has killer crow's feet. The bff was quietly very hurt that Cindy even agreed to double date with the new couple, but she enjoyed the gossip when Cindy reported back to her on the multiple interesting secrets the blonde neighbor divulged under the influence of alcohol—she’s been divorced three times; she gets sloppy after just one glass of wine; she's not really blonde; she always has sex on the first date; she used to weigh 185; her father is a twice convicted felon; she spends $5,000 every week on clothes; she’s 4’8" and wears custom made lifts in her shoes; she’s had three botched nose jobs and a boob job, and so on.
But then, Cindy, in a sudden treacherous shift, became bff’s with the blonde neighbor. Just like that, she decided to switch teams. Cindy and the blonde now shop together. They double date every Saturday night. They take vacations as couples together, although they have to travel separately since Cindy’s husband Big Ric is too fat to fly coach. And in the ultimate act of traitorship, yesterday Cindy showed up at divorce court in support of her former bff's ex.
That’s right, Cindy ditched her best friend of 20 years after the bff’s husband left her, and then Cindy became best friends with the husband and the new girlfriend. Hopefully what goes around comes around and Cindy will get her just desserts, though it is highly unlikely that Cindy’s 450 pound monster of a hubby will attract the eye of any woman still breathing.
Note: We have our own internal dispute as to whether the correct spelling is frenemy or frienemy, but either way, we all need to steer clear of girlfriends like Cindy--Amen!
We are outing Cindy G. of Weston, Massachusetts as a frenemy of the worst kind. Watch your back if you come across this turncoat traitor! We wish we could disclose her full name, but if you meet up with her hopefully you'll know what she's all about, full name or no.
Despite her Frida Kahlo unibrow, since she took off 30 pounds or so, Cindy is quite attractive and dangerously sweet on the surface. Plus she’s a good cook in that old fashioned red sauce baked ziti kind of way. She has two lovely daughters and a long, stable marriage with her 450 pound beached whale of a husband, Big Ric.
All the above constitutes her upside. Here's the underbelly: Cindy was until recently the longtime bff of a friend of ours. Then our friend’s husband began having an affair with a neighbor which led to the end of that marriage (and the neighbor’s). At first, Cindy was super sympathetic with her bff over the affair and the end of the marriage. When Cindy and Big Ric went out to dinner with the bff’s husband and his new girlfriend the blonde neighbor, Cindy reported that the blonde was unattractive with a bad nose job and has killer crow's feet. The bff was quietly very hurt that Cindy even agreed to double date with the new couple, but she enjoyed the gossip when Cindy reported back to her on the multiple interesting secrets the blonde neighbor divulged under the influence of alcohol—she’s been divorced three times; she gets sloppy after just one glass of wine; she's not really blonde; she always has sex on the first date; she used to weigh 185; her father is a twice convicted felon; she spends $5,000 every week on clothes; she’s 4’8" and wears custom made lifts in her shoes; she’s had three botched nose jobs and a boob job, and so on.
But then, Cindy, in a sudden treacherous shift, became bff’s with the blonde neighbor. Just like that, she decided to switch teams. Cindy and the blonde now shop together. They double date every Saturday night. They take vacations as couples together, although they have to travel separately since Cindy’s husband Big Ric is too fat to fly coach. And in the ultimate act of traitorship, yesterday Cindy showed up at divorce court in support of her former bff's ex.
That’s right, Cindy ditched her best friend of 20 years after the bff’s husband left her, and then Cindy became best friends with the husband and the new girlfriend. Hopefully what goes around comes around and Cindy will get her just desserts, though it is highly unlikely that Cindy’s 450 pound monster of a hubby will attract the eye of any woman still breathing.
Note: We have our own internal dispute as to whether the correct spelling is frenemy or frienemy, but either way, we all need to steer clear of girlfriends like Cindy--Amen!
Obama's sex appeal
I agree with some of those viewpoints, but not all.
Obama is ...
1. Cute? Check.
2. Devoted to wife and kids? Check.
3. Empathetic mediator? Check.
And I would add the following assets:
4. Megawatt smile
5. Amazing intellect
6. Great sense of humor
But I dispute that:
"He's like a woman." I think part of his appeal, subconscious perhaps for women, is that underneath that charm and grace is the ultimate alpha male. Let's not forget that with no family connections and at an extraordinarily young age, Obama KICKED ASS, running a juggernaut campaign, trouncing the competition with his unflappable, steely resolve, and making history by becoming the first back president. That takes enormous will and ambition. Obama is undaunted, a truly tough dude.
Obama is ...
1. Cute? Check.
2. Devoted to wife and kids? Check.
3. Empathetic mediator? Check.
And I would add the following assets:
4. Megawatt smile
5. Amazing intellect
6. Great sense of humor
But I dispute that:
"He's like a woman." I think part of his appeal, subconscious perhaps for women, is that underneath that charm and grace is the ultimate alpha male. Let's not forget that with no family connections and at an extraordinarily young age, Obama KICKED ASS, running a juggernaut campaign, trouncing the competition with his unflappable, steely resolve, and making history by becoming the first back president. That takes enormous will and ambition. Obama is undaunted, a truly tough dude.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
A Crush on the President: Barack My World
Why are we women so taken with the 44th president? Not that we haven’t fallen head over heels before – we loved Bill Clinton even to the point of desperately, illogically trying to divert the blame for his wayward behavior. Our mothers’ generation was crazy for John Kennedy. My grandmother voted for Kennedy simply because he was handsome and a Democrat, no other credential necessary.
In 2009, women of all ages love Obama.
One of our friends says we love him because he’s so like a woman. He has incorporated the best of female characteristics. He’s slim, good looking, has long elegant hands, he’s well-dressed and well-groomed, he’s fit, he’s sensitive and empathic. He minimizes conflict, and looks for common ground. And he doesn’t take power for granted.
Another friend says women love the president because of his solid marriage, the way he looks at his wife and daughters with complete devotion, admiration and love. And then, back to my Grandma’s reasoning, there’s the fact that he’s just plain cute.
In 2009, women of all ages love Obama.
One of our friends says we love him because he’s so like a woman. He has incorporated the best of female characteristics. He’s slim, good looking, has long elegant hands, he’s well-dressed and well-groomed, he’s fit, he’s sensitive and empathic. He minimizes conflict, and looks for common ground. And he doesn’t take power for granted.
Another friend says women love the president because of his solid marriage, the way he looks at his wife and daughters with complete devotion, admiration and love. And then, back to my Grandma’s reasoning, there’s the fact that he’s just plain cute.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
How to wind up with a good man and avoid the players
A new study shows that refusing to sleep with a partner on the first date could be one of the keys to making a successful match.
Researchers used a mathematical model to show that more reliable men were willing to wait longer before having sex for the first time. By contrast, less suitable men were not as likely to continue dating.
Professor Robert Seymour, from University College London, who created the model, said: "Longer courtship is a way for the female to acquire information about the male. "By delaying mating, the female is able to reduce the chance that she will mate with a bad male.
"A male's willingness to court for a long time is a signal that he is likely to be a good male.
"Long courtship is a price paid for increasing the chance that mating, if it occurs, will be a harmonious match which benefits both sexes. This may help to explain the commonly held belief that a woman is best advised not to sleep with a man on a first date."
Researchers used a mathematical model to show that more reliable men were willing to wait longer before having sex for the first time. By contrast, less suitable men were not as likely to continue dating.
Professor Robert Seymour, from University College London, who created the model, said: "Longer courtship is a way for the female to acquire information about the male. "By delaying mating, the female is able to reduce the chance that she will mate with a bad male.
"A male's willingness to court for a long time is a signal that he is likely to be a good male.
"Long courtship is a price paid for increasing the chance that mating, if it occurs, will be a harmonious match which benefits both sexes. This may help to explain the commonly held belief that a woman is best advised not to sleep with a man on a first date."
Friday, January 16, 2009
Dating Opportunities Abound: Inaugural Festivities
Ladies- Yes, you can meet a good man on January 20, 2009! Check out the inauguration festivities in your area. Tons of events from dance parties to brunches are in the works and it’s a wonderful opportunity to celebrate and meet some new people at the same time.
Here’s a smattering of the kinds of activities being planned around the country. Google your town for your own local inaugural activities.
California: West Marin County 7:15 am - Sunrise Swim - Chicken Ranch Beach, Inverness. 8:00 am - Live Inauguration Screening and Breakfast, Toby's Feed Barn, Point Reyes Station. Pledge YOUR first 100 days of action on the Ball O' Hope 6:00 pm - 10:00 pm - Inaugural Ball, Soup & Bread Line, Music & Dancing - BYOBB (bring your own beverages and bowl) $10 - No one will be turned away. Dress: West Marin Formal. Hosted by: Point Reyes Books, Mainstreet Moms, Toby's Feed Barn, The Dance Palace, Point Reyes Nation.
Florida: Altamonte Springs (1/20/09) Presidential Inauguration Brunch at Hughey's American Grill, 11:00 AM to 2:00 PM. Brunch ($18.95/person) includes includes $10 admittance to the evening party celebration event (10:00 p.m. till 2:00 a.m.) with live entertainment.
Idaho: Moscow (1/20/09) Marimba music and food beginning at 6 p.m., rebroadcast of President Obama's inaugural speech at 7 p.m., and dancing until 10 p.m. Cost is $5 per person. Money raised will go to the Sesitshaya Marimba band scholarship, Sojourner's Alliance shelter and food banks in Latah County. Hosted by the Latah County Democrats.
Here’s a smattering of the kinds of activities being planned around the country. Google your town for your own local inaugural activities.
California: West Marin County 7:15 am - Sunrise Swim - Chicken Ranch Beach, Inverness. 8:00 am - Live Inauguration Screening and Breakfast, Toby's Feed Barn, Point Reyes Station. Pledge YOUR first 100 days of action on the Ball O' Hope 6:00 pm - 10:00 pm - Inaugural Ball, Soup & Bread Line, Music & Dancing - BYOBB (bring your own beverages and bowl) $10 - No one will be turned away. Dress: West Marin Formal. Hosted by: Point Reyes Books, Mainstreet Moms, Toby's Feed Barn, The Dance Palace, Point Reyes Nation.
Florida: Altamonte Springs (1/20/09) Presidential Inauguration Brunch at Hughey's American Grill, 11:00 AM to 2:00 PM. Brunch ($18.95/person) includes includes $10 admittance to the evening party celebration event (10:00 p.m. till 2:00 a.m.) with live entertainment.
Idaho: Moscow (1/20/09) Marimba music and food beginning at 6 p.m., rebroadcast of President Obama's inaugural speech at 7 p.m., and dancing until 10 p.m. Cost is $5 per person. Money raised will go to the Sesitshaya Marimba band scholarship, Sojourner's Alliance shelter and food banks in Latah County. Hosted by the Latah County Democrats.
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