The Real Reason French Women Aren’t Fat

Last summer I spent a week on vacation with extended family which included a seventy year old French woman with a sylph-like figure. Back then on this very blog site I chronicled what I observed about her eating habits in order to learn and share her secret. I obsessively noted what foods she ate, when she ate, portion size, wine consumption, carb counts.
But now a French friend has shared with me her take on the real reason French women of all ages are slim. It’s underwear. French women adore sexy, expensive underwear, and once you wear the silky luxurious stuff, you simply don’t want blobs of lard seeping out around the edges. So I guess the lesson is-- go out and buy yourself some fabulous lingerie and you’ll automatically lose a few pounds and feel gorgeous. Tant mieux!

Recession-era hair coloring tips

Like many women, I've been stretching the weeks between visits to my colorist. When money was flush, I showed up every four weeks, nipping those gray roots in the bud. After the market collapsed, I extended the wait to six weeks, but couldn't stand the little salt-and-pepper yarmulke that sprouted on my head. Now I'm going every five weeks, but even by then, my roots look nasty. And it doesn't help that I'm only 5'4", which allows most people to look down at the top of my head!

Drug store products don't usually cover those color-resistant gray strands, and of course, there's always the risk of my ending up looking like Lucille Ball. Now there are root touch-up products that are applied like wax crayons, lipsticks, mascaras and combs and range from $5 to $25.

But hair pros have other remedies that are cheap, temporary, and well-worth trying. They include touching up with the right shade of regular eye mascara, especially for auburn or dark hair. For brunettes and redheads, stylists suggest foundation in a color for dark skin -- just dab it onto your finger and blend it into the gray. Or buy cream eye shadow in a neutral color and brush or smudge it over the grays for blondes or brunettes. All of those sound relatively foolproof. The worst that can happen is that they don't work or they look weird, in which case you simply wash them out. I'll definitely give them a try during week # 5.

Lessons From A Recessionista Biatch

You know, you can learn something about creative investment strategies from almost anyone these days. Take Susan for instance, that mean-spirited, but money-savvy Massachusetts midget. We personally know two women whose husbands she has stolen, and we have heard of three more marriages she has decimated. She has always been very open minded, disregarding age, belly size, ear hair, and flatulence--she’ll turn a blind eye to any male flaw, so long as there’s plenty of money to compensate.
That said, and all scorn aside, Susan like a lot of women about to break off her marriage with a wealthy man, decided to squirrel away a stash of cash before she made her next move. Decked out in her platform mega-heel mesh boots, and inappropriately young mini skirt and leggings, and newly-platinum blonde to boot, she got herself a secret commission-only job as a personal shopper at Neiman Marcus in the nearby mall. When she wasn’t busy picking out the latest Miu Miu handbags for her customers, she shopped till she dropped with her husband’s credit card using her 35% off employee discount. Once the trunk of her Mercedes SUV was full of merchandise, off she’d schlep to the resale shop. As soon as her stuff was sold and she got her rebate, she started a rainy day savings account, FDIC insured. Designer clothes add up fast! After six months she had $250 K put away, which gave her the confidence to trade in the fat old fart-factory for a younger guy she’d been shacking up in motels with for the past year--who just by the way was going tooth and nail after his wife’s inheritance and stood to make a pretty penny without ever putting in a day’s work.

Men have biological clocks too

A host of new studies are showing that just as women's eggs age, giving rise to fertility problems and birth defects, so does men's sperm. The children of older fathers scored lower on tests of intelligence, concentration, memory, and reading skills, and had lower IQs, than those of younger fathers. They also had a higher incidence of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and autism. The author of one of the studies concluded: "It turns out that the optimal age for being a mother is the same as the optimal age for being a father."

That evens the playing field a bit. It never seemed quite fair that our biological clocks stop ticking by age 40, while geezers like Tony Randall get to play stud. In the last few years we've seen a growing number of "start-over dads," that is, older men who divorce their wives and start a second family with a new, young wife. Now that this information has emerged, 30-something women may think twice about marrying and having babies with 50-something men.

Dating: Reciprocating on the Cheap

Dating can get expensive. Whether your arrangement is that your guy pays and every now and then it’s your turn to treat, or whether you split each and every bill, it can all add up.
Here are some ideas for when it’s your turn to pay from our cost-conscious girlfriends out there in the dating world:

• Find out when there is a free wine tasting event at your local wine shop
• Invite him over for a Netflix movie and popcorn
• Ask him to dress up for an elegant dinner at your home (see our $10 ideas) and then go downtown to walk off dinner. Stroll into an ultra fancy restaurant for drinks and split a dessert.
• Check out the free concerts at the local music college
• Ride to the beach and go on a seashell hunt (okay, so we have some hokey friends…)
• Buy a selection of toppings and invite him over to make a pizza together. Follow that up by starting a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle.
• Go apple picking and later bake a pie together. Ditto for berries or peaches.
• Schedule a Saturday afternoon of art gallery hopping followed by lattés
• Check the public lecture series at any local colleges
• Volunteer at a soup kitchen together
• Get tickets to a local high school basketball or hockey game
• Go to a driving range and hit a bucket of golf balls
• If you both own bikes, go cycling, and take it leisurely—respect each other’s endurance levels.
• Go for a hike on a nature trail. You bring the sandwiches.

Save these last three for when you’ve been dating him a good long time:

• Sign up for salsa lessons for two
• Buy a selection of scented massage oils and invite him over to choose his favorite
• Give him a manicure , or a shave

Many divorce lawyers are taking a beating during the recession. Not only are couples postponing divorce until their home values and stock-portfolios recover, but many who have filed for divorce and reached settlements are refusing to pay their legal bills, according to a friend who is a divorce attorney. But there are still a few couples whose matrimonial matters are recession proof.

A 36-year-old countess is demanding that her husband double her divorce settlement to $100 million as she hasn’t enough to cover weekly expenses of more than $53,000. Marie Douglas-David wants to tear up a postnuptial agreement with George David -– a former corporate bigwig who is 30 years her senior and worth an estimated $329 million. Under the agreement, which she claims he coerced her to sign, she would receive a mere $43 million. They were married for six years and had no children together. (George had previously divorced his wife, with whom he had three children.)

The Swedish countess, previously an investment banker, says she has no income and has listed her weekly expenses in a court document. These include $4,500 for clothes, $1,000 for hair and skin treatments, $1,500 for restaurants and entertainment, $8,000 for travel, $700 for limousine services, $2,209 for an assistant, $1,570 for horse care and $600 for flowers.

She is asking for nearly $100 million in cash and shares, plus about $130,000 a month in alimony payments. Her expenses include maintaining a Park Avenue apartment and three homes in Sweden.

In response, her husband lists weekly expenses totally $200,000.

Mr David’s lawyer, Anne Dranginis, accused Ms Douglas-David of nagging and hounding her husband with “extensive, long diatribes” over little things “like how he held his fork or how he drafted invitations”. She accused him of having an affair with a younger woman.

They shouldn't get divorced. They deserve each other.

Recession Dates: Inexpensive But Not Cheap

After you’ve been dating for a while, even if your new beau has been picking up the bill for all the early dates, at some point good manners will dictate that you need to reciprocate.

Once you know you really like and trust him, invite him to dinner. You can make each of the following main courses for under $10. Add a simple salad, pick up a bottle of your local wine store’s bargain vintage of the week,and some berries for dessert, and wow him for under $25. Plus you’ll save more money--bring the leftovers to work with you for lunch.

Super Easy Meat Loaf for When You’re in a Time Pinch
Prep: 10 minutes
Cook: 1 hour, 20 mins.
1 can condensed tomato soup- low sodium
1 ½ lb. ground beef
1 packet dry onion soup mix
1/c cup dry bread crumbs
1 egg, beaten
¼ cup water

Mix half the can of tomato soup with the beef and the onion soup mix. Add bread crumbs and egg. Place mixture in 8"x4”loaf baking pan. Bake at 350 for 1 hour and 20 mins. or until done.
Remove drippings from pan. Mix with the remaining tomato soup and ¼ cup water. Heat and serve with meat loaf.

OR
(This one takes a while to prep but it is both healthy and impressive)
Low Fat, Low Sodium Baked Stuffed Cabbage
1/2 cup brown rice
1 cup water
1 large savoy cabbage
1 tbsp canoloa oil
1 onion, chopped
2-3 cloves garlic chopped
4 tbsps. fresh squeezed lemon juice (plus a dash extra)
1 pound lean ground turkey
3 tbsps. chopped dill
1 ½ cups low sodium tomato sauce
1 cup low sodium chicken broth
½ tsp salt
½ tsp pepper
1 tbsp honey
Cook rice per package directions until water is absorbed- approximately 30 minutes.
While rice is cooking bring a Dutch oven full of water to boil. Take the 12 largest outer cabbage leaves,rinse them and and place them in the boiling water for 6 minutes. Drain and rinse with cool water.
Chop some of the remaining (uncooked) cabbage to make 2 cups. Set aside.
Heat oil in large saucepan. Add onion and chopped cabbage. Cook, stirring for 3 minutes until soft. Add garlic and cook ½ minute. Add 4 tbsps.lemon juice and cook until liquid has almost evaporated. Cool.
Mix turkey, dill, salt, pepper, and cooled onion-cabbage mixture and cooled rice in large bowl. Coat 9 x 13” baking dish with cooking spray. Lay one cabbage leaf on cutting board. Cut out thick stem. Place 1/4 to 1/3 cup turkey mixture in the center of the leaf. Fold the sides in, then roll closed. Place seam-side down in baking dish. Repeat until all 12 cabbage leaves are filled and rolled.
Whisk tomato sauce, broth, honey, and the leftover dash of lemon juice in a bowl. Pour over cabbage rolls. Cover pan with foil. Preheat oven to 375. Bake for one hour. Uncover and bake additional 20 minutes.

Be prepared to be asked on another date immediately!