Thursday, November 13, 2008

Dating Hideous Men

How many of us have dated hideous men while on the rebound? And I don’t mean physically ugly guys who could be sweet. I mean hideous men with hearts of coal.

Recently Sally’s true love built her a new desk which led to cleaning out her files and reviewing every piece of paper she had hoarded for the past 20 years. She came across a journal entry from back when, around the time of her divorce, she had dated a horrible man who she found “interesting” because he collected art and because people were in awe of his spending power and invited him to all sorts of cool places.
One night, after downing a couple of dirty martinis, he decided to share his life philosophy with her. She was so appalled that she went home and entered his monologue in her journal and here it was ten years later:

“I know I’m a brilliant art collector. You know how I know? Because people hate me, and I love that. I know what I like and I know what moves me. I know everything there is to know about color and shape and emotion and I told this artist his work was just not doing it for me and he said ‘You know you really are a dick-head like they say.’
I knew then that my status as a collector was complete and that I was enough of a bastard to be a dealer because nothing could give me greater pleasure than ripping off some stupid artist who can paint but knows nothing about money.”

About a week after that journal entry, Sally went on a ski trip to Utah with this charming fellow. She still found him interesting, though years later she can’t really remember why.
Somehow in the airport bustle, he managed to lose his plane ticket and started to panic. Sally asked him gently, ”Where do you remember having it last?”
He went ballistic and started screaming “Shut up. Shut up! You are not my mother!" And he jumped up and down like a troll, with a crowd beginning to gather to see if they could help. Undeterred and unembarrassed, he stomped and tantrummed, and as the fervor of his fit increased, everything fell out of his pockets including his ticket. Sally picked it up and handed it to him and he never said a word about the incident again. And yes, she continued to date him for another two months!

No comments: