Sunday, August 31, 2008

I have thongs in every color of the rainbow, and they lie unworn in the back of my lingerie drawer. When I first got separated, my daughter ordered an assortment for me in hopes that they'd cheer me up and help me feel good about myself. Which they did. But no matter how often I wore them, I never got used to that skimpy, half-inch strip of nylon between me and my jeans. Call me old-fashioned, but I am infinitely more comfortable in a pair of 100 percent cotton Petite Bateau bikini panties, and I think they're sexy too. The other problem with thongs is that unless my stomach is totally flat -- a rare occurrence -- I don't think they're flattering on me. They seem to emphasize the bulge. But your blog serves as a reminder to trot them out every now and then for the guy I'm dating.

Re the Brazilian wax, my dermatologist commented that pubic hair is now the most common form of laser hair removal in her practice, and to my knowledge, that's even more painful than waxing.

Please share your bf's opinion on shaved vs natural pubic hair, and on thongs vs bikini's.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Thongs a Lot

You’ve confirmed my suspicion that Brazilian waxing is way up there on the pain and suffering scale. I hear it's ditto for implants. But each person has her own tolerance level. I have a girlfriend who bought a gorgeous, super pricey pair of Armani fitted white linen trousers on her last trip to Milan and she never wore them because her underpants line was so obvious. I talked her into trying---gasp! Really???!---a white thong, which is the most practical solution. Obviously. She wore it and was beside herself in discomfort during a three-and-a-half-hour opera, and all she could think about during the entire performance was how she was going to freak out at me for torturing her!
But, her husband went crazy when he saw the thong later that night and they had great sex twice before going to sleep and again in the morning! Needless to say, she now has a wardrobe of thongs--- lace, leopard, pink, red, you name it.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

No Brazilian for me, thank you

X should at least donate her brain to science; it would be fascinating to find out what makes that monster tick.

I have to digress. I've been seeing a lovely guy, and my sister suggested it was high time I shave my pubic hair. She insisted that it's much sexier and that "no man wants a face-full of pubic hair." Though nervous about using a blade "down there," I bought a sharp new razor and fancy shaving cream and complied with her instructions. Presto -- I was hairless -- and the guy didn't even notice! This might be because he has a full beard and mustache so he doesn't feel the difference. (Plus he removes his glasses so vision is impaired.) In any event, I asked him and he admitted that my new haircut hadn't so much as registered, no less impressed.

I've since discovered that between shaves, the area itches terribly when I take walks, which means this new grooming practice is ruining a favorite, daily, hour-long activity. I tried talcum powder to prevent the itching, then read that doing so leads to ovarian cancer (true). Given that there's no gain and only pain in my case, I've decided to let things grow and dust with cornstarch in the interim. Thus ends my brief flirtation with modern grooming.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Reach for the RAID

Between, Pig—oops, I mean Peg, Madame X and your so-called friend, the relationship trasher, we’ve uncovered a viper’s nest of poisonous women out for blood, and in X’s case, out for money, too.
In X’s most recent divorce, a savvy female Boston lawyer represented X’s hubby, the shoe guy. X used the same male attorney she always uses. He must be on a permanent retainer, and why not? Her marital trail is an annuity for him. X confided to her spinning class instructor(who later spread the word) that she doesn’t trust women and could never hire one as her lawyer and that all her closest friends are guys.
Shoe guy’s savvy (and, parenthetically, quite attractive) lawyer deposed X during the proceedings, leading X to melt down and shriek out in the deposition room, “You hate me don’t you? Just because I’m pretty.”
One would think this might have harmed her case. That and the fact that she’s a serial divorcee and home- wrecker. Perhaps she learned her trade from her daddy, who until he went bankrupt and snuck away from his store, rent unpaid, in the middle of the night, was known as “The Mattress Man.”
But X left her rather short-term marriage to shoe guy in sole possession of her $2M dream house with a walk in closet the size of most master bedrooms. One custom feature: special teeny tiny shoe racks to accommodate her collection of over 300 pairs of shoes size 4.5. A second feature: midget bathroom sink and vanity mirror which gives normal people, even short normal people, a look at their belly button.
A couple of weeks ago, when X was deposed in her boyfriend’s messy divorce where she plays a central role, the wife’s attorney caught X in a tangled lie. At the end of the questioning, the attorney asked X if she’d like to review her testimony and change anything.
Her reply as she declined the offer to de-perjure herself: “Honey, I’ve been around this block before”.
One naturally would like these kind of people to rot in hell as you said, but usually they just keep on steam rolling through other people’s lives wreaking havoc. The only justice I can envision is if X were to dump the bf over money and find another guy who is rich and 7’4” and he accidentally steps on her, squashing her to death like a cockroach. Couldn’t happen to a nicer insect!

Friday, August 22, 2008

"Sisterhood" can be toxic

I cannot understand X's appeal nor her success with men. But she sounds like she's fiercely competitive with other women. She deliberately marked her lover's home with her "scent" (bra, tampons) to send his wife a message. It galls me that people like her trample on others and get away with it. I hope this dope she's seeing turns out to be bankrupt and that they make each other miserable.

A few years ago I had a friend -- a good friend, I thought -- who was divorced like me. She always spoke as if she was a feminist. Ha! I told her all about a guy I was dating from whom I was crazy about. Every time she and I got together, we confided about our sex and social lives, and I updated her about my goings-on with this guy. She listened and voiced empathy. Oddly, I thought, she invited me to a concert and refused to let me pay her for my ticket, and she had me over to dinner. Shortly after that, the guy broke up with me. I don't want to bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that I learned she had been seeing him behind my back for weeks, during the time that I was confiding to her about him. When I confronted her with my suspicions, she self-righteously confessed and went on the attack, screaming and yelling like a madwoman. I hope she rots in hell along with X.

Looking back, I now see that it's her pattern to appropriate other women's men. I recall her telling me about a guy she'd had a year-long relationship with. Eventually she broke it off, and he was heartbroken. Six months later he had a new girlfriend, and she learned that the two of them were planning to spend a few weeks on Nantucket that summer, an island that she frequented in the summer as well. She was furious and told him he couldn't step foot on "her" island with his girlfriend. Then, to make sure that wouldn't happen, she seduced him, claiming she missed him and wanted to try again. Suddenly he was irresistible! She slept with him a few times -- enough to destroy his new relationship -- and dumped him.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Midget Steals Husbands as Hobby

Peg might sound like a pig, but what sort of creature does that make X?
I can’t mention her name or even give her a pseudonym because she’s at the center of an active divorce case- not her own. X is so interested in hunting down and ensnaring other women’s husbands that it’s a compulsion. Not that these fellows are innocent game--they certainly enjoy her attention and a fair number of them have even married X!
X was first married to her college sweetheart, a lawyer, for seven years. They had two daughters and the lawyer thought they were a happy couple. His only complaint was that she spent a huge amount of money on clothes, shoes, spas and keeping her hair the perfect shade of blonde. Happy or not, X had her sights set on her husband’s college roommate. Madly in love with X, the roommate left his wife for X as if she were some sort of siren.
At the last minute, after carefully doing her math, X’s passion died and she remained with her husband. Temporarily. Meanwhile, the roommate’s wife was too distraught to take him back and that marriage was toast.
Onward and upward. Undaunted, X then went after the scion of a footwear empire whose wife happened to be in a coma. This time when she did the math, she was ready to walk down the aisle. Shoe guy demanded a prenup but she called his bluff, tearful that he could be so distrustful. He fell for the performance, married her and now 12 years later, she left him for a neighbor. X and the neighbor carried on their affair in his home while his wife was visiting her dying mother. X left evidence all over the neighbors' home—oops-- a lipstick smear on the phone receiver, tampons in the bathroom trash basket, long blonde hairs on the couch, and the kicker-- a black lace bra under the mattress. The inevitable happened, and now the neighbors are divorcing. X and the neighbor guy are currently planning a destination wedding in Aruba and can’t understand why their kids aren’t excited about all going to the Caribbean together as soon as both divorces are final.

The only satisfaction the neighbor’s wife has is that she knows that X thrives on the excitement of going after other women’s husbands-- and will undoubtedly embark on her next safari in a couple of years.

To top it all off, this femme fatale, X, is a certified midget at 4'10"' in heels. Go figure!
It's pathetic, and Peg in particular sounds like a pig! I think there is a compelling reason why some women specialize in appropriating other women's husbands. I'm thinking now of two married couples who were best friends and neighbors. For years they celebrated holidays jointly with their children, who were like family to one another. The two couples played tennis doubles regularly at the same club, and traveled as a foursome to Europe and the Caribbean every year.

After years of such closeness, wife from couple A suddenly and inexplicably left her husband. One year later, husband from couple B up and left his wife -- also without much explanation other than, "I've been unhappy." Suspicions grew and rumors flew, and before long wife A and husband B were seen together constantly. It came out that this was the culmination of a long-running extramarital affair. I have also heard that wife A's mother did the same with her best friend's husband.

Wife A became a pariah among the women of the neighborhood, much more so than husband B, who was, of course, equally guilty of betraying both his spouse and his best friend. There is something especially vicious about women who zero in on their friend's husbands or boyfriends.

Are all women who are drawn to other women's husbands -- whether they know the wives or not -- inspired by a special challenge to "win" the guy away from his wife? Is it competitiveness with other women, or the appeal of the unavailable man?

Monday, August 18, 2008

The Apple and the Tree

I had a crazy conversation with a college sophomore who dated a foreign student at her school all last year. In April, the guy was kicked out of school and sent back to the UK after being caught with drugs, and not just any drugs--- heroin-- on campus. He’s now being allowed to register for the upcoming fall semester and he’s been sending Marley FTD bouquets to make sure she doesn’t forget him. After much urging from her mom and girlfriends, she says she's planning to dump him, but not until October. I asked why the wait. In my take on this, if guys perceive her as single, she’ll be more likely to meet someone new, and if she sees herself as single, she’ll be more comfortable flirting. Au contraire, she told me. You need to have someone and then look around.
Interesting. Especially considering that her father surreptitiously fooled around with a string of women for five years. Most of them had no clue that he had a wife at home. He waited until he found just the right one--a neighbor who knew he was married --and made sure she was willing to leave her husband before he packed his bags and left his wife and kids.

And then there’s the case of Stanley and his new wife, Peg, 26 years his junior. They carried on an affair for six years behind his wife’s back until Peg decided she was ready to have a baby and gave Stan an ultimatum. Years ago, Peg’s dad baled on her mom, Peg, and three other siblings to set up housekeeping with a "friend of the family" who ditched her husband for him.

So, it appears to be true that the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree. But what compels these girls to reenact their fathers’ sleazy behavior when the have perfectly nice, smart, competent, attractive, morally sound mothers who would be far superior role models?

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Marriages of convenience

A divorce lawyer I know said that much of her business now comes from Russians who married for a green card and are subsequently divorcing. A recent New York Times article pointed out that health benefits have become an increasingly common reason to marry as well. Many couples are now tying the knot -- or accelerating their courtships -- because one party has health problems and the other has insurance.

Health benefits are also a reason people are staying in their marriages. I know a couple who have been separated for some time. The husband, a self-employed writer, asked his imminently-ex wife to hold off on the divorce so he could continue to enjoy the health coverage she gets through her job. She kindly obliged. And I've dated men who prolonged the litigation process in their divorces just to hang on to their wife's benefits!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

True Love vs. Green Card

The other day I had my annual lunch with one of my oldest – rather, longtime-- and certainly my dearest friend at CafĂ© Gitane, the grand dame of cute Nolita hipster hangouts. If you sit outside, it’s arguably the best place in New York to view fashionistas in the act of shopping. Inside, the view is one gorgeous human being after another--kind of the exact opposite of the subway.
Our waitress, who had a Northern European accent-- Danish or Swedish--is probably the most beautiful girl in New York. We were amazed that she was working as a waitress and not on the cover of Vogue. We got to talking and she told us she’s 24 and divorced. She came to the US with her husband, a wannabe actor, he fell in love and ditched her for an older woman (35) with kids.
We were incredulous until she mentioned that now he’ll be eligible for citizenship. She may be the one working in a restaurant, but I guess he knows where his bread is buttered.

And more hot

Divorce360 also covered Still Hot, in this case through a Q and A interview with the authors. For a peek into how we came to write the book and our thoughts behind those wacky quips and stories, check it out at:

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Book of the Week!

Still Hot has been selected as Book of the Week by First Wives World! Click here for their review:

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Power screws men up

Sounds like a very wise doctor. Apparently power is another element that fuels the midlife affair in many men. John Edwards attributes his dalliance with Rielle Hunter to hubris, explaining that he strayed because political campaigns feed "a self-focus, an egotism, a narcissism that leads you to believe that you can do whatever you want."

The syndrome is rampant among high-powered alpha-males, Eliot Spitzer being a recent example. Just a few days before Edwards was outed, a bigwig at Credit Suisse was forced to resign due to a fling he'd had with a married woman several years ago. Although the affair ended and he confessed to his wife, his paramour's husband launched a violent internet smear campaign against the financier, spreading such nasty rumors and lies that he eventually brought the honcho down. The writer who covered the story in the NY Times Business section observed that "on Wall Street, the stereotype is that everyone is having an extramarital affair, wining and dining at fancy hotels on the company's tab."

The writer also cites the example of a hotshot who was fired from Goldman Sachs for having an affair with a 24-year-old trading assistant (whom he married and later divorced). He sued the firm for firing him on the grounds that he "believed that numerous high-ranking Goldman Sachs partners and employees had engaged in extramarital sexual relations with other Goldman Sachs employees and that such relationships, widely known at the firm, hadn't hindered the careers of such partners and employees." This was the basis of his case!

Friday, August 8, 2008

The Doctor's Diagnosis and Prescription

I went for my annual checkup the other day and gave my doctor a copy of Still Hot hoping she’d display it in her waiting room. Instead, she popped it into her briefcase and said it’ll be her commute reading.
Before she stowed it away, she glanced at the cover and sighed, “It’s true.”
“What’s true”? I asked.
She said, “Some men, maybe most men are like that”.
“Like what”? I asked. I mean, she’d only glanced at the front and back covers.
“I understand your daughter has a baby sister,” she said. (She’s my daughter’s physician as well.)

The Doctor’s Diagnosis:
When men reach a certain age or “developmental stage”, many of them can’t face the changes that are coming. They’re stuck and can only move backwards. She sees it as a matter of flexibility--they’re rigid and can’t give up the roles they’ve known. Facing an empty nest strikes fear in the heart of all mothers, but women forge on because we’re all used to having to bend, be flexible, roll with the punches. Men are also fearful of the kids growing up, of aging, of losing their identity roles, so many of them revert by taking on young wives and reliving the past rather than exploring what the next stages of life will be about.

The Doctor’s RX : live your own life, don’t live through your husband’s accomplishments, have work which gives you pleasure, enjoy your children, and hope you’ve chosen a guy who can step up to the plate and face the passing of time with grace.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Modern Math

I was at the Plaza Hotel for my job the other day and saw a group scoping out the ballroom with a wedding planner. The manager in charge told me that wedding decisions are now rarely made simply between the bride and groom or the bride and her mother. These days, ten people weigh in: there’s the bride, her mother and stepfather, her father and stepmother, the groom, his mother and stepfather, and his father and stepmother. It’s always been a strain for event professionals dealing with brides and their mothers and all the emotionally charged decisions, but this sort of entourage must be a huge headache.

I learned that some things haven’t changed. The groom’s parents still pay for the rehearsal dinner and split that cost if they are divorced. The wedding bills still go to the bride’s parents. If her parents are divorced, wedding planners suggest they meet jointly with the bride and groom to clarify—in writing—who agrees to pay for what.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Dental Work

What is it with dentists? You cited the case of the affair that broke up the dental practice, and I know of another dentist-centered fiasco. Years ago, a very successful rock musician was married to a gorgeous younger blonde. They lived in a mansion in New Jersey with their little sons. Their best friends were the dentist next door and his wife, and the kids played with the dentist’s kids every day. The blonde developed bad teeth and spent hours and hours in the dentist’s chair having her mouth made movie-star spectacular with laminates and, later it turned out, having work done on other parts of her body as well. Finally, the dentist and the blonde couldn’t take being apart any longer and broke the news to their spouses. The dentist’s wife made a house call to discuss matters, brought along her sewing shears and hacked massive chunks of the blonde’s hair off. The musician gathered up his wife and kids and moved immediately to Malibu to salvage his marriage. Though she loved living on the beach and driving to Rodeo Drive in her Mercedes convertible, the blonde pined away for the dentist. After divorcing the musician, she eventually dragged her kids back to New Jersey to set up housekeeping with the dentist. It lasted six months, after which the dentist couldn’t run back to his wife fast enough – and who knows why she took him back? The blonde returned to California so her ex could take care of the kids sometimes. Neither ever remarried and the kids are now in college.

I’m sure there are thousands of extra-marital trysts going on at any given moment involving members of any and all professions. Btw, the guy in the unjustly nauseatingly happy couple is a psychologist and we know all about them!

What an annoying couple

Their happiness seems to defy all odds and is nauseating to boot!

Things didn't work out so peachy-keen for my ex. He had an extramarital affair with a woman who was also married with kids. The two of them got married as soon as their divorces were final. It was about as messy as things can get, given that two families were destroyed in the process. Though my ex has since tried hard to get my kids to know and like his new wife, they have so far (to my knowledge) refused to have anything to do with her. I don't think he even mentions her name in their presence. And I'm told that his wife's son is none too happy with his new stepdad.

Mind you, these kids knew about the adultery and saw how it tore up their families and hurt the other parent. I wonder if the kids of the couple you described were aware of their affair at the time that it was happening. I think children prefer to look the other way if possible.