Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Lessons From A Recessionista Biatch

You know, you can learn something about creative investment strategies from almost anyone these days. Take Susan for instance, that mean-spirited, but money-savvy Massachusetts midget. We personally know two women whose husbands she has stolen, and we have heard of three more marriages she has decimated. She has always been very open minded, disregarding age, belly size, ear hair, and flatulence--she’ll turn a blind eye to any male flaw, so long as there’s plenty of money to compensate.
That said, and all scorn aside, Susan like a lot of women about to break off her marriage with a wealthy man, decided to squirrel away a stash of cash before she made her next move. Decked out in her platform mega-heel mesh boots, and inappropriately young mini skirt and leggings, and newly-platinum blonde to boot, she got herself a secret commission-only job as a personal shopper at Neiman Marcus in the nearby mall. When she wasn’t busy picking out the latest Miu Miu handbags for her customers, she shopped till she dropped with her husband’s credit card using her 35% off employee discount. Once the trunk of her Mercedes SUV was full of merchandise, off she’d schlep to the resale shop. As soon as her stuff was sold and she got her rebate, she started a rainy day savings account, FDIC insured. Designer clothes add up fast! After six months she had $250 K put away, which gave her the confidence to trade in the fat old fart-factory for a younger guy she’d been shacking up in motels with for the past year--who just by the way was going tooth and nail after his wife’s inheritance and stood to make a pretty penny without ever putting in a day’s work.

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