Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Sociopath and the Lawn Chair

Mitchell,that sociopathic creep,has now pulled out all the stops in his War of the Roses divorce performance. Read on:
A couple of weeks ago, Mitchell, his wife and their respective attorneys were required by the judge overseeing their case to meet with a third lawyer, a female court-appointed mediator. The mediator came up with a settlement plan. The wife was ready to settle.

Not to be told what to do by any woman, Mitchell’s attorney produced his own different settlement plan. The wife remained eager to settle and accepted that plan as well. Then Mitchell’s attorney came up with a three page single-spaced laundry list of addendums including the china, the crystal, the wife’s mother’s piano, even the lawn furniture. Plus he wanted to put a lien on the house. The wife then consulted her accountant and learned that she could in no way financially afford to accept Mitchell’s lawyer’s plan. She would need to revert to the mediator’s plan. All fine with her--she just wants to escape from this onslaught and get on with her life.

Mitchell’s attorney verbally agreed with the wife’s attorney that they would go to court this week and accept the mediator’s plan. Mitchell would drop his laundry list of demands,except for the Adirondack lawn chair. Without that chair, it would be no deal for Mitchell. The wife’s attorney could not fathom what would be so valuable about a lawn chair but she presented the offer to her client. The wife readily agreed, also wondering what could be so meaningful about the lawn chair.

Lo and behold, the next morning the lawn chair was mysteriously missing from the place it had occupied in the yard for the past five years. Someone had stolen a hundred pound used wooden chair in a rural neighborhood where people leave pricey racing bikes lying out on their lawns and hardly anyone locks their doors. Mitchell’s wife reported the theft to the town police wondering who the heck would want to steal a lawn chair.

A day later, Mitchell, the wife, and their attorneys all returned to court. The wife and her attorney were certain that they had reached a settlement. After all, Mitchell’s attorney had verbally agreed to one. As they arrived in court, Mitchell’s attorney produced a 500 page document calling for every bit of information about the wife’s recently deceased mother’s estate. There would be no settlement. Not when Mitchell could try one last time to get his hands on some of his wife’s upcoming inheritance. Mitchell’s attorney has now asked the court for a four month delay in the trial date. The attorney claimed that he would be involved with devoutly observing the Jewish holidays for the next two months and unable to work. In reality, he is delaying in hopes that the wife’s mother’s estate will be forced to be settled before the new court date.

And who stole the lawn chair? Most people think it was Mitchell, but where would he put it? In his apartment? On his girlfriend X’s lawn? And why?

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