Thursday, January 22, 2009

Public Frenemy Number One: Cindy G. of Weston, MA.

We are outing Cindy G. of Weston, Massachusetts as a frenemy of the worst kind. Watch your back if you come across this turncoat traitor! We wish we could disclose her full name, but if you meet up with her hopefully you'll know what she's all about, full name or no.

Despite her Frida Kahlo unibrow, since she took off 30 pounds or so, Cindy is quite attractive and dangerously sweet on the surface. Plus she’s a good cook in that old fashioned red sauce baked ziti kind of way. She has two lovely daughters and a long, stable marriage with her 450 pound beached whale of a husband, Big Ric.

All the above constitutes her upside. Here's the underbelly: Cindy was until recently the longtime bff of a friend of ours. Then our friend’s husband began having an affair with a neighbor which led to the end of that marriage (and the neighbor’s). At first, Cindy was super sympathetic with her bff over the affair and the end of the marriage. When Cindy and Big Ric went out to dinner with the bff’s husband and his new girlfriend the blonde neighbor, Cindy reported that the blonde was unattractive with a bad nose job and has killer crow's feet. The bff was quietly very hurt that Cindy even agreed to double date with the new couple, but she enjoyed the gossip when Cindy reported back to her on the multiple interesting secrets the blonde neighbor divulged under the influence of alcohol—she’s been divorced three times; she gets sloppy after just one glass of wine; she's not really blonde; she always has sex on the first date; she used to weigh 185; her father is a twice convicted felon; she spends $5,000 every week on clothes; she’s 4’8" and wears custom made lifts in her shoes; she’s had three botched nose jobs and a boob job, and so on.

But then, Cindy, in a sudden treacherous shift, became bff’s with the blonde neighbor. Just like that, she decided to switch teams. Cindy and the blonde now shop together. They double date every Saturday night. They take vacations as couples together, although they have to travel separately since Cindy’s husband Big Ric is too fat to fly coach. And in the ultimate act of traitorship, yesterday Cindy showed up at divorce court in support of her former bff's ex.

That’s right, Cindy ditched her best friend of 20 years after the bff’s husband left her, and then Cindy became best friends with the husband and the new girlfriend. Hopefully what goes around comes around and Cindy will get her just desserts, though it is highly unlikely that Cindy’s 450 pound monster of a hubby will attract the eye of any woman still breathing.

Note: We have our own internal dispute as to whether the correct spelling is frenemy or frienemy, but either way, we all need to steer clear of girlfriends like Cindy--Amen!

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