Linda, we can't underestimate the downside. Last night I had a drink with a guy whom I met online and with whom I'd had a few promising phone conversations. We sat on a sofa in the lounge and discussed impersonal topics, such as Hilary vs Obama vs. McCain. Our politics weren't even in synch. An hour or so into our conversation, he touched my hand and asked if he could hold it. I felt too awkward to say "No," but at the same time even more awkward about holding hands with a virtual stranger. When it was time to leave, he asked if he could kiss me. I gave him a closed-mouthed kiss, but again felt pushed into something I didn't yet feel.
Why would I feel like being physically affectionate with someone I've known for all of two hours? His overtures seemed so out of the blue, like a complete non-sequitor. Yet this is how many guys behave, especially those who are looking for love on the internet. They're intent on forcing the romance right away because they're armed with an agenda. It is NOT a natural way to try to get to know someone.
Now what do I do if he calls again? I found him interesting and intelligent, but I was very turned off by what felt like an encroachment of my personal boundaries. I should have explained this at the time. Do I explain it on the phone? Or the next time it happens? Or is he just a jerk that I shouldn't go out with again? Please advise and get the male viewpoint from Paul.
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This suggestion might sound cheesy...Before future dates, if you're able to anticipate potential "icky" situations and mentally rehearse how you would respond in advance, then these kinds of unpleasant situations might catch you less off guard. If you can state "No, I don't want to do that", that should usually nip these situations when they occur.
It doesn't excuse your date's forced and off-putting behavior, but that's his issue.
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